You’ve read this blog before. Maybe a couple hundred of them.
This is not the first one.
But, this is my list for how to know that you’ve found “the one.”
In no particular order…
Number One: You’ve Realized He’s Not the One
He’s not the one.
Because, “the one” doesn’t exist.
If I have to explain that to you, do not pass go.
Do not collect $200.
Number Two: You’ve Found Jesus
You know that old saying “you can’t love somebody until you love yourself?”
But what if you’re loving the wrong “you?”
Ah. Fine print.
See the truest you is you + Jesus.
Ergo…to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved and cherished, you must love Jesus, the only person who feels that way and can (slowly but surely) pump that into your veins until you believe it (on your good days).
Number Three: You’ve Stopped Playing the Blame Game
Your exes aren’t exes because of their behavior solely.
You fully realize that relationships are relationships and that people will ebb and flow in their ability to express that love, because they’re human just.like.you.
Being in a long-term committed relationship REQUIRES (absolutely mandates) that you stop playing the blame game.
It just does.
I once met a man who told me that while he had two long-term wives in his life he wasn’t totally convinced that if their roles had been reversed (i.e. he had met the later one when he was 19 and the earlier one when he was in his 50s) that things wouldn’t have been exactly the same.
He realized that it was more about him. And where and who HE was.
Number Four: You’ve Stopped Keeping Score
OH HOW I STRUGGLE WITH THIS ONE.
I’ve done the dishes 6 times (today) and he’s done them 1 time in the last month.
Clearly he doesn’t love/respect/honor me.
No. Stop it.
If you judge another’s ability to love you based on how well they serve YOU; well you haven’t found the one because no one will EVER live up to that standard. Especially not you (cause you’re like me and him and her…get it?).
Get over it. Compromise on Monday, Tuesday, yell Wednesday, and then get back to compromise on Thursday and Friday…without the blame game…recognize Jesus and your inherent human flaws…and lather.rinse.repeat all over again on Saturday.
Number Five: You View Relationship As Not a Way to Be Happy but As a Way to See God
This is the ultimate goal. One I struggle with daily. We all do I think if we're being honest!
Relationships, contrary to what the world/society/media etc are not, in their definitive function expressions of happiness (though happiness (or, rather, "joy") is a common byproduct of a proper relationship centered around what it needs to be centered around).
They are not ways to fill voids.
They are not ways to fill your day.
They are not ways to have more money in your bank account.
When you put your relationships in these categories, and they fail, which they will, it’s all too easy to walk away, because you’re defining the relationship on the wrong premise!
Your house is not built on rock, but on sinking sand.
You don’t have a relationship with another person for you OR for that person.
You are in relationship to GIVE and not so the other person GETS from you (though, again, a favorable byproduct), but so that YOU "get" from GOD.
The goal isn't to just keep giving and giving and getting and getting.
The goal is to give to others to receive from God what OTHERS CANNOT GIVE.
My pastor put it this way once:
"What is the best way to bless another person?"
"Let THEM bless YOU!"
What's better: blessings from people, or blessings from the almighty God?
Again, if I am explaining that: Do not pass go; do not collect $200. Go back.
What does the Bible say about receiving blessing from God?
"Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered."
Is this just karma?
Hardly. This is a divine promise (because it's in the Bible).
And, don't we experience that even when we give, it is rarely reciprocated in that "karmic fashion?"
SO, if this is TRUE (which it is because it's in the Bible) it's clearly a promise that God will be watering us, because God can promise anything based on His unwavering character.
God blesses us to bless others. And we cannot outgive God.
We WANT to keep blessing each other and, unblessing each other, without bringing GOD into the mix (or only when it's, like, really bad)!
Bless your husband, God blesses you.
Husbands bless your wives, God blesses you.
You have relationship with people because we are called to community, in various forms, under various spiritual closeness, as described by the Bible, to grow and to work and ultimately bring you closer to God.
The REAL question is NOT whether “he is the one.”
Because, truth, you’re not ANYONE’S one. You can’t be. You’re broken.
Through Christ marriages and relationships can move mountains.
But ONLY if Christ flows freely and OFTEN through that relationship.
For the ONLY good things that come of this world start and end with the Alpha and the Omega.
There’s no secret recipe.
There’s no complicated formula.
And there’s certainly no way to tell if you’ve found “the one” without looking exclusively at your relationship with Christ.