Tuesday, June 9, 2015

National Bestie Day?

Yesterday was “National Best Friends Day” apparently.

Well, according to Facebook / social media. It was so fun to see my feed filled with all kinds of friends!

Some shouted out to their girlfriends; hugging and probably holding iced lattes.

Some shouted out to their husbands; a beautiful testimony of their union.

Some shouted out to their pets and/or inanimate objects (i.e an iced latte); a funny spin, quippy, and, often, adorable.

And then, people like me, thought about it for a minute and decided to just let the day pass in silence.

It really reminded me of a few weeks ago when I watched the movie “The Wedding Ringer.” You know…this one???

I must admit, I am one of those people that will straight turn a movie off half-way if I don’t “like where it’s going.” Drives my husband absolutely batty.

The movie really started to bug me.

The premise is this guy who is getting married and he has no groomsmen to call on, including no one in his life to be his best man (first world problems, amen?). He hires a guy to play the part of the best man and, in turn, recruit seven other groomsmen to “even out” the bridal party.

Then, as the “emotional source” of this “predicament” is unraveled when the man posing as his best man realizes that, horror of all horrors, this man (a very successful international tax representative in a seemingly overall healthy confidence and mindset) has never been on a “boys’ trip.” Cue the sad music as they realize he’s never jumped out of a plane, woken up in a stranger’s car due to alcohol poisoning, and stereotypical scenario after scenario that this guy had “missed out on.”

The entire movie seemed to view marriage as this total buzz kill to this man’s life and it was ridiculous and a little insulting!

This blog isn’t about downplaying the absolute importance of community and friendships and, yes, even best friends.

But, this blog is for everyone who didn’t post anything yesterday and felt even a LITTLE discouraged by that!

Friendships are important. Family is important.

But the.most.important.relationship and the.only.one.that.matters is your relationship with God.

All of your relationships are trivial and meaningless and worthless (i.e. “not fruit bearing”) if they are not revolving around the King. Period.

Quite frankly, I did not post yesterday because I didn’t have anything / anyone to post about.

I’m pretty “out there” on the “FB Ned Flanders Scale” but I just couldn’t bring myself to post a picture of “Buddy Christ” as my BFF. I have to draw the line somewhere people.

I also consider my husband as my “best friend” but he’s MORE than that: he’s my husband. That means when he really pisses me off, I still respect, love, and pick up his stinky socks. Is that because of him? No, it’s because of Him.

I have had many good friendships in my life and continue to be blessed by the people that the Lord places in my life, but I have the tendency to hold those friendships with open hands and open hearts.

I’m not great at the whole “girlfriend” experience.

I’m really loud: both in volume of the words I say and in the weight of the words I say. I cannot stand small talk. One person described me once as a “burning bush” i.e. “look here’s what I think; take it or leave it.” Makes for a great advice giver and a great friend and a great parent; but not necessarily a great “girlfriend.”

I’m also SUPER busy. Remember when you thought you were busy before you had children? #sorrynotsorry

Whenever I see FB posts or read blogs about how to be an “intentional friend” I feel like a failure.

I just don’t have time to bring a mocha and leave it on your porch with a Pinterest inspired handmade card.

 I love you. I cherish our time together. I just can’t. And.that’s.okay!

There is a season for everything and life and right now my season looks like diapers and strong coffee and Netflix on the couch. It just does.

I also hate talking on the phone. I joke with my husband that if my friends called me as much as his friends call him it would drive me insane. I like to meet with people one-on-one and really pour over coffee and circumstances. With my schedule, it just doesn’t allow for a lot (any) of that right now.


I want to leave you with two pieces of encouragement.

1)      If you feel like a failure in the friend department because of other commitments and priorities in your life in this season; be encouraged. Be strengthened. This is a season. You cannot be everything to everyone. Like the meme says, “You can’t make everyone happy. You are not pizza.” Focus on your children. Focus on your marriage. Focus mostly on Jesus. Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of the world will grow strangely dim in the light of his fullness and grace. I hereby release you from the million of blogs and FB posts that suggest otherwise.

2)      If you’re like me and you suck at being a girlfriend; halla at me. I once read a quote that said the things that frustrate you most about your children just might be what God uses for the Kingdom. I.e. say your kid’s super independent, well, given the right rearing, that’s a really good thing. The same can be applied to you. I’m not good at nail polish parties. But I’m really good at one-on-one heart-to-hearts. Despite what Igram and FB shouts, the goal is not to have a bunch of acquaintances “like” and “follow” you. The goal is to reach people for the gospel. If you do that by being that rockin’ girlfriend who shows up with your favorite nail polish color and six other friends and a margarita machine = awesome. We need you. If you do that by putting out a pot of coffee in a house that looks like a bomb went off and welcoming anyone and everyone into your home = awesome. We need you. If you do that by HOWEVER there is ROOM for you.

Friendships are give and take. They come and go. Instead of trying to make them into things they’re not; try and see them as divine appointments; ways to enjoy this day, this moment, this season, but not to distract you from your ultimate purpose here.

Instead of focusing your efforts on how you are not living up to society's standards, focus on all the ways that God is living up to His own standards. It's a much, much prettier picture. I promise. 

1 comment:

  1. The concept of friendship seasons has helped me through the years. "All of your relationships are trivial and meaningless and worthless (i.e. “not fruit bearing”) if they are not revolving around the King. Period. " Great post!