Monday, June 8, 2015

A Ransomed Heart: my road to freedom from the bondage of premarital sex

I am writing a book. It’s definitely going to be a long journey.

My goal is to have the meat of it done by September, social media / tweaking / social presence September - March and have something solid to pitch at the Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference in March 2016. 

I am looking for help!

My book is titled A Ransomed Heart: my road to freedom from the bondage of premarital sex.

(working title) 

Here’s my thing: I have read many, many programs and books on the topics of Christian marriage in regards to love and sex.

Almost all of them consider only the idea that both parties were virgins at the wedding.

Spoiler alert: neither my husband nor I were in this camp (like, at all).

IF a book touches the subject of premarital sex externally relevant to the union at hand, it is dealt with such brevity and a sort of “just fix that, that was bad” mentality.

My book is about how very real my struggle with maintaining a healthy, Christian, and marital sex life was in the beginning of my marriage (and every so often even now) considering my (poor) choices as a teenager and young adult.

This book does not downplay the importance of the real role and design that God has for our marriages, sexuality and purity, but it rather creates an opportunity to discuss, heal, and give real practical advice when dealing with these issues that inevitable arise for married couples with an “external sexual history.”

When I started writing my book, I began working with a writing coach / editor who happens to be generous enough to take me on as a summer project (she’s a best-selling author herself).

She told me after my first 10,000 words that I was too serious / academic at times. She suggested that my voice is best heard when I am more “conversational.”

At first I was a little insulted! I’m a smart girl!

I want to SOUND like a smart girl!

But then I stepped back, and looked more carefully at what she was saying.

First, I don’t have the credentials to write to pastors, therapists, etc. I have a bachelor’s but that’s it.
Second, and here’s the key, I don’t WANT to write to pastors and therapists etc.

I love you pastor and therapist friends, but I want to talk to 20-year old Kaitlin.

I want to tell her that if she could just trust in the Lord, that God has the PERFECT husband waiting for her and that the road towards unity, real unity, would be very difficult because of the choices I had made, but that real healing (not just patching holes) would come from my relationship with Christ.

I want to talk to all the Christian wives out there who feel like they can’t talk about this.

They’re leading worship, they’re volunteering in ministries, and they’re (doing their best) to raise godly sons and daughters.

We are all called to community, again not to condone what was done, but to overcome, through Christ what was done.

I am speaking with various experts about my topic and it’s really exciting stuff, and I really do want to give real practical advice for growing intimacy (of all levels) in your marriage even when you didn’t follow the Sadie Roberston plan (or anything resembling it).

BUT, I also want to hear your story. Our story. Christ's story. Beauty from ashes. 

If you (wives only please) have been wounded by premarital sex and are now in a Christian marriage, would you please share your story (anonymously) with me?

We can have coffee. We can have a phone date. You can send a pigeon. Whatever.

I hope and pray that this project will inspire marriages and wives and that God would enable me to diligently work in worship to say thank you for where I’ve come and where I’m going!

Sidenote: I am so utterly and completely thankful to my husband for being on board with this project. When God was picking my spouse and looking for someone who scored 10/10 on the premarital counseling “confidence” scale, a “saywhatyouwantillsaywhatiwant” mentality, I have no doubt “Chase” flashed in His mind. ;) And, I’m so glad it did! Love you to pieces. 

P.s. share to support this project and help me connect with other women who have something to say! 
P.s.s. find me on facebook here to follow this project!

1 comment:

  1. Adding my prayer that "this project will inspire marriages and wives and that God would enable you to diligently work in worship to say thank you for where you've come and where you're going!"