Wednesday, June 10, 2015

5 Things to Never Say to a First Time Mommy

Every time someone looks at my growing baby bump and "oohs" and "aahs" and asks, “Is this your first?” I am SO GLAD that I get to say, “NOPE!”

They usually answer back with a, "Oh, then you know!"

And I think, "Yeah, I do!"

Pro tip: First time mommies, YOU KNOW TOO! 

(you just don't KNOW that you know that you know in the words of Pheobe Buffett)

For me, personally, the transition from 0 kids to 1 kid was hands-down the most difficult.  

No kids, to kids.


Everything about it.


Someone once said (or blogged?) that to have a happy marriage you either need no kids or lots of kids.

I believe there is definitely a grain of truth to that! When you have one kid, and you’re brand new at this, so much is so unknown and yeah, of course you “get it” but it kinda takes a while to settle in to your new (HUGE) role!

So, without further ado, 5 Things to Never Say to a First Time Mommy

1)      You look great “for having just had a baby!”

If you say this to me after this kid, I’ll kiss you. Promise. But first time mommies are often still under the illusion that their bodies are going to “bounce back” relatively quickly. I tell new mommies: 1.full.year. And even then, there’s this problem of your bones moving. Mine did. Even though I weighed 20 pounds LESS than I had before I got pregnant with my first I went up almost THREE sizes because my hips were … literally moved during pregnancy and childbirth.
So…say this…but JUST leave it at “you look great.” The end.

2)      “Can I help you with that?”

Okay, this one SEEMS innocuous. I mean, you’re trying to help. But, see, the media tells us (and we’re still buying it) that we can be SUPERMOM. So, we’re gonna say “no.” Especially if it comes to care of our child. We think we can do it, we think that other people “do it,” because Pinterest tells us so.

Instead, just do it. Come in, gush a little (or a lot) over the baby, and then just start cleaning the kitchen. If we argue with you, tell us that you wished you spent more time holding your newborns and just smelling them instead of standing over the kitchen sink. We know you’re here to see the baby, but seriously, this will take you 10 minutes and it’s so needed. No words necessary.

3)      “Aww, he’s such a good daddy!!”

Again, this seems nice, but all we’re thinking is, “SERIOUSLY?! I’m covered in poop and haven’t showered in three days, and he’s sitting there watching the game holding her pacifier to her nose.”

We also still kind of blame him for the undeniable pain that we experienced and that is still very ingrained in the very fabric of our being from a few days / weeks ago. We love him. So much more than we did before.

But things are also a lot more his fault right now. They just are.

That’s a good one (and probably super true).

But this is better: “Aww, you guys make such a great TEAM.”

Because here’s the reality, if dad can do that, it means he got to go to work today / i.e. get at least 2 hours of sleep, and guess who made that happen? *this girl*

4)      Anything about breastfeeding/co-sleeping/vaccinations/circumcisions/swaddling/babywearing

We are SO CONFUSED right now!!! We haven’t slept in FOUR YEARS (and we had the baby last Friday…it makes sense to us, ok?). We love this little squishy thing MORE THAN THE WHOLE WORLD and we’re driving ourselves INSANE over these (HOT) issues. 

Inserting your unsolicited advice is just not helpful nor appropriate right now.

 Just smell my baby, sanitize your hands, tell me he's the cutest squishy in the whole wide world, leave some sub sandwiches, and be on your way. thankyouverymuch

5)      “Who do you think he looks like because I really don’t see either of you?”
“Should you be eating that  / aren't you breastfeeding?”
“Are you sticking with that name?”

Are you TRYING to make me bawl in my living room right now?
All these things, after at least baby #2, are answered with a quick…

“I don’t care I just want him to sleep”
“Can you pass the nacho cheese? (I don’t care I just want him to sleep)”
“Call him whatever you want. (I don’t care I just want him to sleep)”

However, with baby #1, we’re bawling inside.

Be kind to the first time mommies. Speak gently.

My hormones were WAY more out-of-whack the 6 weeks postpartum then they EVER were during pregnancy with each of my babies.

Mostly just really calming sounds with no jarring movements, a lot of “you’re doing awesome!”s, “that is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen on God’s green Earth”s, and a lot of handing her chocolate milkshakes with extra whip cream and holding the baby while she falls asleep standing up in the shower.

Mommies: what soon-after-birth comments do you love the most?? 

Above all, with new mommies, of their 1st or 7th kid, don't just say; DO

1 comment:

  1. I love it when you talk about mommies. Great advice for replacement words. Thanks!