Thursday, January 5, 2012

Philippians 1:6

What I am about to say may shock you.

It may shock you because you are a member of my family.

It may shock you because you were raised in Davis, a college “cow-town,” like me.

But…here goes…

I am not ever going to get my college degree.

*cringing pause*

Not because I am not smart enough, or I don’t have enough money, or due to a lack of time.

I have learned that in life you have to make those opportunities for yourself.

If it’s important; learn it. Find money. Make time.

And please don’t read this as me thinking that college is not important.

College is super duper important.

And my children are going to have to answer to both myself and my husband if they are considering not continuing their education after high school.

However, ever since I can remember college, for me, was never something I internally wanted to pursue.

It was something that, in order to be accepted as a family member, to be loved fully, I must do.

I remember being told time and time again, “You are too smart to not go to college.” Period.

What does that even mean? I often wondered. Because of my percieved ability I am to achieve; or nothing?

When I wanted to pursue a career as an elementary teacher the response was a disappointing sigh of, “Well, get your PhD, and then you can always teach.”

Then, when I did go to college, it still wasn’t good enough.

“What are you going to do with a psychology/philosophy/economics degree? Unless you go to graduate school, there are zero jobs.”

The expectations were too much. They were too high. And they weren’t mine.

I have high expectations of myself, and I have lofty goals. I just don’t believe that these goals start with a college degree. For me.

When I said enough is enough and shed every expectation that had been put on me by my parents and my professors and my family and my hometown; I was finally free.

For the last four amazing and incredible years I have been able to focus on what really matters: what God expects of me. Who God thinks I am. What God thinks I am capable of.

I’ll tell you right now that it has nothing to do with a degree.

I am complete in every way and have the ability to achieve anything through one thing and one alone: Jesus Christ.

Not going back to college is not the easy way out.

It is a leap of faith.

I am going against every SAT prep course and every lecture and every threat that society and that my family had put on me for the majority of my life.

The threat and the fear that if I am not a success in my career and intellectual conquests that I am nothing. That I will never be “as good” as I should strive to be. That my life will be a waste.

I am tossing all of those convictions straight into the garbage where God would have had me toss them ages ago.

I am saying to myself and to God that I am here because of YOU. I am here for YOU.

And I’m waiting. Patiently. Without my degree.

Luckily, with God, there’s no minimum education requirement and there’s no salary cap.

It’s up to Him. And, I’m good enough.

Philippians 1:6
...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion...

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