Thursday, August 25, 2011

Go to Bed Angry. Humph!

Go to Bed Angry.

I have sometimes found myself by evening sunk into my living room couch like a mussel clings to a rock.

Lounging there silent and stuck; overwhelmed and pinned by the crashing waves of the world rushing and washing over me.

My mind races at what seems a thousand miles an hour.

The pit of my stomach grows with a deep and painful heaviness.

The tears begin to well in my eyes.

The swirling uproar of rebellion rampages upon my constant inner battle for peace.

Far from my morning devotions and since trampled by never ending cleaning, bottles, career, traffic, diapers, dinner, worries, unmet needs, and not-any-closer goals.

It is in these moments that terrible thoughts come to surface.

Satan spies me in my vulnerable weakness and offers malicious, yet in the moment welcomed, whispers that swell my pride and satisfy my thirst for blame.

Given an inch, The Enemy momentarily takes his mile in my heart.

The Enemy uses this time to urge me towards action.

He hands me swords and weapons; loading up my heart, gearing me for battle.

A petty fight with my husband. A sip of drink I do not need nor want.

The Enemy beckons me, at the very least, to continue lingering in my current state feeling crushed by the weight and, for the moment, feeling paralyzed.

Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.

This is when I stand up. I turn the television off. I put my phone down.

And I go to bed.

Not out of depression; but to shut this inner battle down with a prayer and with intolerance.

I have become intolerant of the dwelling and the wasting of time on this temporary feeling.

This too shall pass.

As someone who has always had a “quick draw” in life, this has been my best defense.

In the morning, I feel nothing resembling the weight of the looming evening.

I am refreshed and ready to start the day again, with silent inner laughter about myself just a few hours ago.

In the morning there is an abundance of clarity and peace and Truth.

No matter how I feel, the Lord stays the same.

For me, going to bed angry, is about allowing God to tackle my emotions instead of me trying to make myself feel better or happier.

It’s about saying to God, “I feel low right now, but I trust that, as You promised, You are bigger than all this. I don’t need to DO anything. I am going to get some sleep. Lord, I give this to You.”

I always, ALWAYS, feel right as rain in the morning.

Not because I say so; because HE said so.

For his anger endures but a moment; in his favor is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Ps 30.4-5)

Image: graur codrin /

No comments:

Post a Comment